\\SiLenCenD-ShaDoW//

Click on the lights and wheels to navigate.

The silenced shadow.....

I search for years, but i never find what I seek..
I wonder about the thoughts I have and the dreams I create...

The end result, I am, from the clash of darkness and light,
not defined by purpose nor bound by natural inclinations..

Fighting now for an identity, people scourn and jeer at my hapeless wandering...
Tempted to succumb to the bait of acceptence,
Lured by the sweet scent of easy rest I shall march on to that seemingly impossile goal I have.

Friends I have, but real are they, I'll never be able to tell.

Tales of endless friendship and alliegance of loyalties are always promised, but kept?

I do not want to know.

In times of fun, Games and glory they are there, when I'm needed they are there too..
But if I ever need them, will they still be there??

I don't know.

Visible I am only when required for tasks which dirties the hand or garners no worthy bounty.
Invisible I am at all other times of games and gatherings.

Needed, used and diacarded, that is what I have become for being too nice to insensitive
and stuck up fools.

On days where I'm not needed I always can sense a certain amount of disapproval from my surroundings.

My own mortal mother disdains at my doings.
MY own life I cannot control, My decisions often overwritten by her just by meer fact she's lived longer.

People say they know me well, but when the test comes all fall short and say I am too compicated and unsure of my being.

Mystery shrouds my life from strangers and curious by-standers

A stone walled sheild I seem to have, round a fortress that consumes the true me, never trusting never communicating.

The key that unlocks I keep near me.. No longer dangling to allow anyone in.

The phanthom that engulfed me is now one and true with me. Yet my fears remain and they stab at me with unchecked fury. I have accepted its fate and seem strangely comfortable to being alone and isolated.
But waiting, I am, for the one who shatters this isolating prison.

Death's once horrid stench has become a fragrent scent to me.
I await the day his gleaming blood-stained scythe and gaping, lifeless face visits me.
With reluctant resistance I fight the reapers taunt now, living to find acceptence, searching to quench my quest and lay rest to these haunting thoughts and fleeting memories...

The visible invisibilty I have become..

The Shadow wanders on..

Searching...

[]__^{MemorY Capsule}__[]
Tuesday, May 31, 2011

So very sad. I post, you call and challenge me. Instead of reassuring me, you chide me. So I shall take all my frustrations here. Here which you mocked. Here where you can learn so much about how I feel. Its so disappointing to think I fell in love with you for reasons which turned out to be only applicable to friends, but continued to be in love for some other funny reason. Seems those reasons turned out to be that I found solace, some comfort and love. Something I can't seem to get at home. I love the way your hair smells, I love the way you tease me, I love even the uncouthness you some times display. I think I have done well to deal with your temper so far but still feel I need to do more. I'm so insecure now.

I'm not financially stable and you have little trust in me. How am I supposed to feel now that after a 1 week trip with your friends you suddenly say its ok for me to chat with girls because you want to chat with your ex and other guys. You suddenly say you want more friends, yet refuse to intro them to me. I told you the reason, its because you have poor character judgement and I can help you filter the unwanted chaff but you don't listen. I hate cheryl for always implanting things in you that I do not like and for assisting you in your cheating. I will probably never treat her nicely anymore. Don't ever expect me to.

brakes applied at |9:54 pm|

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Really sad. You cheated on me. And aren't actually sorry about it. How do you think I feel? How am I supposed to feel? I couldn't lie to you and go on a holiday enjoying it like you did. I feel so hollow. What did I do wrong? I know I'm not perfect but I do try.

I'm also not stopping you from making friends. Even with guys. But I do think you could at least be honest enough with me to tell me so. What do you mean by you have to report everything to me? Which ass gave you that idea? You are not single. You are attached to ME. I'm very lost. No one to turn to either. I don't know how to open up and looking at how things are going, probably never will either. I'm really disappointed.

brakes applied at |8:55 pm|