[]__MemorY Capsule__[]
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
What is going on?? I can't do anything right these days.. Im really wondering if I really do love her. Recently brought her to see a doctor, accompanied her and paid the bill for her, sent her home only to have her throw tantrum cause I didnt "pei" her to take medicine. Then today, She's saying that she should put on weight cause her boss says so, she said she should take
tonic-y stuff so she wouldn't fall sick so often. Yet she refuses to take her medicine properly as she says its bad. I told her as much and she was upset again. I upset her so easily.. What is wrong? I tout I was past this stage. I've given her my all. Its not enough. I know now I'll never be good enough for her. Im a complete failure. I've just devised a list. Once the list is fully checked then I think its time for her to get someone better. I'm given myself 1 month. If the list checks out, then well.. I shouldnt think so far ahead... ...
brakes applied at |11:57 pm|
Dear Lord,
My heart is confused, My soul yearns rest. I'm tired of not knowing what I'm doing.
Thank You Lord for blessing me with Your grace and endless Love.
Lord, take me and mould me. I do not want to be anything other then what you desire of me.
I have not been good nor obedient to you. Guide me in your wisdom and put me back into place Lord.
Thank you my saviour. Amen.
brakes applied at |11:45 pm|
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Why oh why.. What am I doing now.. I don't know what she expects from me.. I've given her practically all my time. I've given up gaming, my love for being in solitude, my freedom and carefree life of meeting what few friends who met up with me to be with her. But its apparently not enough.. I slept till 2pm today. The first real long rest I've had in about a month. The past 3 weekends at least, I had to wake up early to do things. We had made plans today, so it got screwed up and of course that pissed her off. And I know she's always wanted to go to a baptism. And just nice I have a friends baptism going on at 830am later today. So I made plans to bring her down. Instead of being happy she just blew me away saying its too early. I really don't know what to do anymore.. I'm so upset right now.. I've no1 to turn to either. Partially cause I don't know how to talk to them anymore but mainly its cause of my personality..
I like to keep things inside me.. I'm a sensitive soul and I Hate being sensitive. I get hurt easily by people. Especially people closest to me. I'd assume they know me well enough to know I'm like that. Easily hurt. So it hurts even more when I realise that they don't. How do you tell someone you are sensitive? Its not easy and the person has to accept it. I'm shattered.........
brakes applied at |12:19 am|
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Wells, I'm nearing completion of my training course..Then I'm gonna go to work in ST for real.. A little worried as to how I'm gonna fare.. Nothing much has happened during the course. Met a couple of nice lecturers, a few bad ones too. Its not that they are bastards, but as that they cant teach well. Instead of learning things, I get confused! I know they are trying their best, but I cant help feel as though they are in the wrong profession. I'm now lying in bed.. Waiting for her cause I cant sleep without knowing she's snug & safe at home.. I'm dead tired, but what can I do? I miss her!
brakes applied at |10:45 pm|