\\SiLenCenD-ShaDoW//

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The silenced shadow.....

I search for years, but i never find what I seek..
I wonder about the thoughts I have and the dreams I create...

The end result, I am, from the clash of darkness and light,
not defined by purpose nor bound by natural inclinations..

Fighting now for an identity, people scourn and jeer at my hapeless wandering...
Tempted to succumb to the bait of acceptence,
Lured by the sweet scent of easy rest I shall march on to that seemingly impossile goal I have.

Friends I have, but real are they, I'll never be able to tell.

Tales of endless friendship and alliegance of loyalties are always promised, but kept?

I do not want to know.

In times of fun, Games and glory they are there, when I'm needed they are there too..
But if I ever need them, will they still be there??

I don't know.

Visible I am only when required for tasks which dirties the hand or garners no worthy bounty.
Invisible I am at all other times of games and gatherings.

Needed, used and diacarded, that is what I have become for being too nice to insensitive
and stuck up fools.

On days where I'm not needed I always can sense a certain amount of disapproval from my surroundings.

My own mortal mother disdains at my doings.
MY own life I cannot control, My decisions often overwritten by her just by meer fact she's lived longer.

People say they know me well, but when the test comes all fall short and say I am too compicated and unsure of my being.

Mystery shrouds my life from strangers and curious by-standers

A stone walled sheild I seem to have, round a fortress that consumes the true me, never trusting never communicating.

The key that unlocks I keep near me.. No longer dangling to allow anyone in.

The phanthom that engulfed me is now one and true with me. Yet my fears remain and they stab at me with unchecked fury. I have accepted its fate and seem strangely comfortable to being alone and isolated.
But waiting, I am, for the one who shatters this isolating prison.

Death's once horrid stench has become a fragrent scent to me.
I await the day his gleaming blood-stained scythe and gaping, lifeless face visits me.
With reluctant resistance I fight the reapers taunt now, living to find acceptence, searching to quench my quest and lay rest to these haunting thoughts and fleeting memories...

The visible invisibilty I have become..

The Shadow wanders on..

Searching...

[]__^{MemorY Capsule}__[]
Thursday, February 04, 2010

Its a new year! =) My job really sucks.. Whoever said ST Aerospace was a company of standards definitely has not worked on the ground before. If they did and rose through the ranks, they would realize that the company can also be know as cover ups and look good inc. . I hate it there! I cant learn anything! I was hired as a technician but am doing a general worker's, admin assistant's & on occasion, a runner's job. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind doing all this extra stuff. I can always find a small niggle of a speck to learn something from what I'm doing. But not at the expense of my primary job. Plus my pay is rubbish. A Macs cashier can easily earn more then me. So silly to think that an aerospace tech would earn less then a random cashier. I'm probably cheaper then the cheena ass-holes they hire to work on the commercial engines. I know my blog is always full of rants, but its the only way I seem to be able to partially express myself. I still bottle up alot of other stuff. I cant share it with anyone. Its just me against the world, that's how I feel anyway... Should get some sleep now.. Haven't had a good nights rest in ages..

brakes applied at |12:02 am|