\\SiLenCenD-ShaDoW//

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The silenced shadow.....

I search for years, but i never find what I seek..
I wonder about the thoughts I have and the dreams I create...

The end result, I am, from the clash of darkness and light,
not defined by purpose nor bound by natural inclinations..

Fighting now for an identity, people scourn and jeer at my hapeless wandering...
Tempted to succumb to the bait of acceptence,
Lured by the sweet scent of easy rest I shall march on to that seemingly impossile goal I have.

Friends I have, but real are they, I'll never be able to tell.

Tales of endless friendship and alliegance of loyalties are always promised, but kept?

I do not want to know.

In times of fun, Games and glory they are there, when I'm needed they are there too..
But if I ever need them, will they still be there??

I don't know.

Visible I am only when required for tasks which dirties the hand or garners no worthy bounty.
Invisible I am at all other times of games and gatherings.

Needed, used and diacarded, that is what I have become for being too nice to insensitive
and stuck up fools.

On days where I'm not needed I always can sense a certain amount of disapproval from my surroundings.

My own mortal mother disdains at my doings.
MY own life I cannot control, My decisions often overwritten by her just by meer fact she's lived longer.

People say they know me well, but when the test comes all fall short and say I am too compicated and unsure of my being.

Mystery shrouds my life from strangers and curious by-standers

A stone walled sheild I seem to have, round a fortress that consumes the true me, never trusting never communicating.

The key that unlocks I keep near me.. No longer dangling to allow anyone in.

The phanthom that engulfed me is now one and true with me. Yet my fears remain and they stab at me with unchecked fury. I have accepted its fate and seem strangely comfortable to being alone and isolated.
But waiting, I am, for the one who shatters this isolating prison.

Death's once horrid stench has become a fragrent scent to me.
I await the day his gleaming blood-stained scythe and gaping, lifeless face visits me.
With reluctant resistance I fight the reapers taunt now, living to find acceptence, searching to quench my quest and lay rest to these haunting thoughts and fleeting memories...

The visible invisibilty I have become..

The Shadow wanders on..

Searching...

[]__^{MemorY Capsule}__[]
Tuesday, June 09, 2009

I wanna say I hate girls.. So much trouble they cause and the closer they are, the more they cost you.. Yet, I know I cant. 'Cause funnily enough, some of my closest friends are girls. Its not that I flirt with them or anything, its just that they are simply nicer to talk to. I just managed to barely quell an argument/fight with my girlfriend and now, my Mom or should I say the woman in the house, balantly shows me her favourtism towards my brothers. She blames ME for the wrong things my brothers do. What has it got to do with me?? If he learns to steal or take my things without permission, whos to blame? I don't teach him that. Hell, I'm hardly at home and when I am, I keep to myself, I'm rather predictable at home. Only few things I could be doing - Gridding, Surfing, enjoying Top Gear, eating or sleeping. I don't talk to them anymore. I don't feel warm when I'm at home. Feels sometimes like a hostel. No warmth. It isn't a home for me to return to anymore. More like a house. 4 walls & a roof period. No love, no warmth, no family. Thats how I feel. I feel alone, isolated and cold. But I can't bring myself to share how I feel. Been hurt too much. I know I'm supposed to just learn, remember and let go.. But I just cant. I'm lost right now... really lost... Losing my grip on things.

brakes applied at |11:38 pm|