\\SiLenCenD-ShaDoW//

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The silenced shadow.....

I search for years, but i never find what I seek..
I wonder about the thoughts I have and the dreams I create...

The end result, I am, from the clash of darkness and light,
not defined by purpose nor bound by natural inclinations..

Fighting now for an identity, people scourn and jeer at my hapeless wandering...
Tempted to succumb to the bait of acceptence,
Lured by the sweet scent of easy rest I shall march on to that seemingly impossile goal I have.

Friends I have, but real are they, I'll never be able to tell.

Tales of endless friendship and alliegance of loyalties are always promised, but kept?

I do not want to know.

In times of fun, Games and glory they are there, when I'm needed they are there too..
But if I ever need them, will they still be there??

I don't know.

Visible I am only when required for tasks which dirties the hand or garners no worthy bounty.
Invisible I am at all other times of games and gatherings.

Needed, used and diacarded, that is what I have become for being too nice to insensitive
and stuck up fools.

On days where I'm not needed I always can sense a certain amount of disapproval from my surroundings.

My own mortal mother disdains at my doings.
MY own life I cannot control, My decisions often overwritten by her just by meer fact she's lived longer.

People say they know me well, but when the test comes all fall short and say I am too compicated and unsure of my being.

Mystery shrouds my life from strangers and curious by-standers

A stone walled sheild I seem to have, round a fortress that consumes the true me, never trusting never communicating.

The key that unlocks I keep near me.. No longer dangling to allow anyone in.

The phanthom that engulfed me is now one and true with me. Yet my fears remain and they stab at me with unchecked fury. I have accepted its fate and seem strangely comfortable to being alone and isolated.
But waiting, I am, for the one who shatters this isolating prison.

Death's once horrid stench has become a fragrent scent to me.
I await the day his gleaming blood-stained scythe and gaping, lifeless face visits me.
With reluctant resistance I fight the reapers taunt now, living to find acceptence, searching to quench my quest and lay rest to these haunting thoughts and fleeting memories...

The visible invisibilty I have become..

The Shadow wanders on..

Searching...

[]__^{MemorY Capsule}__[]
Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Yay! Din go camp today!! =D Its a forced off but hey! still off right?? I wish I could dont hate her.. I really do.. but everything she says.. does.. just pushes the limits.. No one understands what being in a screwed camp with fucked up 'commanders' is like.. No doubt I say it is fine.. What else do u expect me to say?? The truth?? Like hell.. I'll probably juz draw more flak from "friends and family". I like the show 'turning point'.. Its inspirational.. but I hope it is transparent and not edited and cut and dramatised.. Come to think of it.. I never did thank Helen jie jie for all the help and advice she rendered to me.. Nor the cops for the chance they gave.. I'll probably wont be able to thank the cops but I'll definately find a chance to thank Helen.. Hope people learn NOT to discriminate against people with records..

Where has all my direction and drive gone... Im like a mindless corpse.. Simply wandering.. Down this dirt path.. Off the paved track.. On one side, a dark devouring forest.. The other, a sheer abyss.. A dead drop to the raging and blood hungry rocks that crown the frothing infinite liquid sky.. 5 rds.. Its more then adequate for the end of the dirt track.

brakes applied at |8:59 pm|

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