\\SiLenCenD-ShaDoW//

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The silenced shadow.....

I search for years, but i never find what I seek..
I wonder about the thoughts I have and the dreams I create...

The end result, I am, from the clash of darkness and light,
not defined by purpose nor bound by natural inclinations..

Fighting now for an identity, people scourn and jeer at my hapeless wandering...
Tempted to succumb to the bait of acceptence,
Lured by the sweet scent of easy rest I shall march on to that seemingly impossile goal I have.

Friends I have, but real are they, I'll never be able to tell.

Tales of endless friendship and alliegance of loyalties are always promised, but kept?

I do not want to know.

In times of fun, Games and glory they are there, when I'm needed they are there too..
But if I ever need them, will they still be there??

I don't know.

Visible I am only when required for tasks which dirties the hand or garners no worthy bounty.
Invisible I am at all other times of games and gatherings.

Needed, used and diacarded, that is what I have become for being too nice to insensitive
and stuck up fools.

On days where I'm not needed I always can sense a certain amount of disapproval from my surroundings.

My own mortal mother disdains at my doings.
MY own life I cannot control, My decisions often overwritten by her just by meer fact she's lived longer.

People say they know me well, but when the test comes all fall short and say I am too compicated and unsure of my being.

Mystery shrouds my life from strangers and curious by-standers

A stone walled sheild I seem to have, round a fortress that consumes the true me, never trusting never communicating.

The key that unlocks I keep near me.. No longer dangling to allow anyone in.

The phanthom that engulfed me is now one and true with me. Yet my fears remain and they stab at me with unchecked fury. I have accepted its fate and seem strangely comfortable to being alone and isolated.
But waiting, I am, for the one who shatters this isolating prison.

Death's once horrid stench has become a fragrent scent to me.
I await the day his gleaming blood-stained scythe and gaping, lifeless face visits me.
With reluctant resistance I fight the reapers taunt now, living to find acceptence, searching to quench my quest and lay rest to these haunting thoughts and fleeting memories...

The visible invisibilty I have become..

The Shadow wanders on..

Searching...

[]__^{MemorY Capsule}__[]
Friday, September 29, 2006

Todays Race Results......

Round One, Volkswagon Beetle Turbo VS Nissan March.

The Beetle thrashed the March straight out! Haha...

Round Two, Race-Tuned NSX-R VS Supra RZ

NSX-R is the faster of the two,one heck of a screamer and is HELL NOISY to redline!!
The Supra has a very nice blow-off noise... Is much much quiter and smooth revving..

I lost this match cause I clouldnt handle the car well..

Round Three, 350Z VS 350Z

The car feels funny... And is fairly hard to handle but has plently of grunt under e hood..

Round Four, RX-7 VS WRX STi

Rx-7 doesnt disappoint and handles well, brakes well too..
STi is more powerful but I dunno how it handles cause I wasnt using it..

Lost this one cause I gave way to the STi... =P

Wells, just so you know I din go GTA in real life, races were conducted in the safety of the underground Zone X at an MRT station and in the seat of 'Battle Gear 4' haha...
Randy was my opponent today.. Sunday is Kenny's turn.. hehe...

brakes applied at |11:06 pm|

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Wahaha.. So relived.. I tout I lost the work I spent an entire day doing inside a stuffy, dusty and asmathic-unfriendly storehouse.. So Now, I left only one storehouse floor plan to do! Yay!!

I dunno why, Im losing my self confidence day by day.. I tink I myself am chipping away at my own confidence, thoughts and groundings.. I need help! Who to turn to now? Noone i feel I can trust... Noone 'cept My Lord.. But, still a mortal friend will help.. oh who do I turn to.. Who can read me like a book.... Lord help me now... Amen.

brakes applied at |9:55 pm|

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

This post will tell you what are the useful things that an Ammunition Storeman can learn and apply in everyday life.

1. How to be patient...
You'd be absoloutly bummed-out to find out the amount of time wasted in the army waiting due to poor time management.

2. How to do silly things but feel like you're actually doing smthing useful..
In PAD, where Im serving out my years, Regulars play politics. And are mostly selfish and/or power hungry. They things they make you just to prove their power and gain favour with the brass just astounds..

3. How to be assertive... (The wrong way)
Not a day goes by without a vugarity flying around.. Averagely, Vulgarities are used in 4 out of every 10 words. And not an hour goes by in the base without a vugarity exchange.. Mind you, the officers do it too..

4. How to endure meaningless critism..
When you have a sargeant that has mood swings, plays the race card heavily and isnt liked by the higher-ups, critism comes as water from a singapore tap.

5. How to go un-appreciated...
In platoon Two, NOBODY is motivated to work. The same PMS sarge always says you didn't do your work even though he KNOWS you spent the better half of the day doing you work..

Well, here are some of the things a storeman like myself can learn... Interesting isnt it??

brakes applied at |9:52 pm|

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Whao! Finally saw a couple of my sec sch mates this evening at costa sands resort.. SO COOL!
Sadly not many came but still, had a fair bit of fun.. =)

Jia ying, Yi Jie, Han Ming, Md noh, Mahmud, Qin yi, X2, Sophia, Fairul, Terence, Carrie, Fairul, Chin and Danielle!

Jia Ying seems e same quiet girl, Qin Yi has slimmed down alot, Daneille looks much beta now with more meat, Chin too slimmed down.. LoL.. wells, looks like I gotta start slimming down too! haha.. Not going to be easy esp since my camp canteen serves oily food!

Carrie dunno why like so pissed off with me.. And X2 tho she looks the part of a graceful young lady, certianly doesnt sound e part rite fai? LoL... Hope she neva reads this or e next time we meet up, Ill have to bring some power armour!

I guess my old but sadly current mentiality of isolation kicked in, sorta felt unwanted today.. Felt tt Daneille and Carrie like din want me around.... Oh wells, too used to such things, so I shrugged it off for most of the part.. Hope I get to see them around more! Take care guys! Rock on!

brakes applied at |12:32 am|

Friday, September 15, 2006

Helen Jie Jie.. Forget to call me ah?? Nvm.. I noe ur busy so ur forgiven! =) Well, been some time since I last seen or talked to ya.. I hope that all is fine. How are the people at Fei Yue FSC too? I dun tink I noe the person who answered my call, so I guess you guys got some new staff or smthing like tt. Wells, I tink I'll be free on the 22nd tis month all e way till evening so I tink I can make a visit to you all. Hope U guys remember me! Dun wanna juz bring problems but I hope u still can help me see things differently, but no sweat! Ill try my best to work my problems out and try to tink properly and Ill share blessing with you too.. Funny that this "letter" is a post on my blog.. hope U get to see my blog some day and maybe U can understand me more... TAKE CARE!! Bye!

brakes applied at |9:34 pm|

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

well, well... Im surprisingly surviving in PAD... John Berry is still picking on me.. And nearly every1 tinks im some push-over.. Cant tell anyone cause they wont be able to help.. and those that can wont. Cluster 2 is changing a PC so hopefully things get better..

Saw a rather bad accident's aftermath yesterday.. A yellow chevy aveo hit a bike somewhere near e carmarts in kaki bukit.. E bike was something like a sports model but e around e size of an RX-Z. The impact was great enuf to dislodge e car's bumper and left headlight. Considering the damage the car, and assuming the agents assurance that e car IS of good quality and not juz a re-badged Daewoo is true, the motorcyclist apparently got away lucky with juz a broken leg.. But I think e driver was scared like hell.. Cause she was crying away over the phone.. Then some passer-by goes on to repromand her somemore and the surrounding crowd was just standing around like some counsel delivering judgement... I mean, WTFBH is your problem?? Sure the Driver probably may be in the wrong but the fact that she's still around shows she KNOWS she is. She din juz hit and run.. She actually stayed to bear the consequences so just bloody leave her alone la.. Add the fact she is crying more likely out of fear and remorse, you know that the driver was just careless and din mean to cause the accident.. Whats the point of chiding her? You'll only make her feel worse.. Take WCS and she could become depressed and do the silly things Im considering... So indirectly YOU HAVE KILLED a person.. Then now what happens? She's no kid and scolding wont help in such a senerio so just leave her alone..... Damn Singaporean habits.. Makes me wish I wasnt singaporean...

brakes applied at |6:58 pm|

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Why din you call?? I waited all day... Feel so sad now..
She doesnt love me anymore.. Yet, I feel normal...
Now I can see how you think of me.. You say "n" but obviously feel "a"
I see now that its just all a mind game.. Make me feel 'wanted' make me feel at 'home'
Now I see it all... My Lonliness is my best ally now.. Darkness in the light and oceans in the desert.. This is how it shall be.. Till my mind be changed and will mended..

brakes applied at |11:39 pm|