\\SiLenCenD-ShaDoW//

Click on the lights and wheels to navigate.

The silenced shadow.....

I search for years, but i never find what I seek..
I wonder about the thoughts I have and the dreams I create...

The end result, I am, from the clash of darkness and light,
not defined by purpose nor bound by natural inclinations..

Fighting now for an identity, people scourn and jeer at my hapeless wandering...
Tempted to succumb to the bait of acceptence,
Lured by the sweet scent of easy rest I shall march on to that seemingly impossile goal I have.

Friends I have, but real are they, I'll never be able to tell.

Tales of endless friendship and alliegance of loyalties are always promised, but kept?

I do not want to know.

In times of fun, Games and glory they are there, when I'm needed they are there too..
But if I ever need them, will they still be there??

I don't know.

Visible I am only when required for tasks which dirties the hand or garners no worthy bounty.
Invisible I am at all other times of games and gatherings.

Needed, used and diacarded, that is what I have become for being too nice to insensitive
and stuck up fools.

On days where I'm not needed I always can sense a certain amount of disapproval from my surroundings.

My own mortal mother disdains at my doings.
MY own life I cannot control, My decisions often overwritten by her just by meer fact she's lived longer.

People say they know me well, but when the test comes all fall short and say I am too compicated and unsure of my being.

Mystery shrouds my life from strangers and curious by-standers

A stone walled sheild I seem to have, round a fortress that consumes the true me, never trusting never communicating.

The key that unlocks I keep near me.. No longer dangling to allow anyone in.

The phanthom that engulfed me is now one and true with me. Yet my fears remain and they stab at me with unchecked fury. I have accepted its fate and seem strangely comfortable to being alone and isolated.
But waiting, I am, for the one who shatters this isolating prison.

Death's once horrid stench has become a fragrent scent to me.
I await the day his gleaming blood-stained scythe and gaping, lifeless face visits me.
With reluctant resistance I fight the reapers taunt now, living to find acceptence, searching to quench my quest and lay rest to these haunting thoughts and fleeting memories...

The visible invisibilty I have become..

The Shadow wanders on..

Searching...

[]__^{MemorY Capsule}__[]
Thursday, August 10, 2006

National Day Week!

Probabaly the shortest possible working week in the entire army.... I've only to go for 1 and 1/2 days this week... And both days seem to be quite slack... And thats a very very good thing.. Cause 90% of the time, I have no freaking idea what Im doing the things I do for... Usually, its cause its been done for don't know how many donkey years and its cause some sour grape brass on the high end of the totem pole thinks its good.
Well, getting more and more lonely nowadays... I have absoloutely no idea why I still feel isolated and alone in church.. Seems people are saying that I have not taken effort to make friends and interact and chit-chat with them. But, honestly, I don't think it'd make much of a difference. I just can't click well with people... I'd like to think myself as anti-social and to an extent its true, but, sadly, what Jan said awhile back is seemingly true.. Im more avoident then anything else... Don't want to mention why Im avoidiant nor the reason Jan said what she said.
Well, I guess now I'm sort of in my own defensive fortress.. Its gates are shut tight and locked up securely.. But so people who wants to get in know, the key isn't hidden.. I didn't bother to hide the key at all... So look closely and the way in will be found....

brakes applied at |12:05 am|

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