\\SiLenCenD-ShaDoW//

Click on the lights and wheels to navigate.

The silenced shadow.....

I search for years, but i never find what I seek..
I wonder about the thoughts I have and the dreams I create...

The end result, I am, from the clash of darkness and light,
not defined by purpose nor bound by natural inclinations..

Fighting now for an identity, people scourn and jeer at my hapeless wandering...
Tempted to succumb to the bait of acceptence,
Lured by the sweet scent of easy rest I shall march on to that seemingly impossile goal I have.

Friends I have, but real are they, I'll never be able to tell.

Tales of endless friendship and alliegance of loyalties are always promised, but kept?

I do not want to know.

In times of fun, Games and glory they are there, when I'm needed they are there too..
But if I ever need them, will they still be there??

I don't know.

Visible I am only when required for tasks which dirties the hand or garners no worthy bounty.
Invisible I am at all other times of games and gatherings.

Needed, used and diacarded, that is what I have become for being too nice to insensitive
and stuck up fools.

On days where I'm not needed I always can sense a certain amount of disapproval from my surroundings.

My own mortal mother disdains at my doings.
MY own life I cannot control, My decisions often overwritten by her just by meer fact she's lived longer.

People say they know me well, but when the test comes all fall short and say I am too compicated and unsure of my being.

Mystery shrouds my life from strangers and curious by-standers

A stone walled sheild I seem to have, round a fortress that consumes the true me, never trusting never communicating.

The key that unlocks I keep near me.. No longer dangling to allow anyone in.

The phanthom that engulfed me is now one and true with me. Yet my fears remain and they stab at me with unchecked fury. I have accepted its fate and seem strangely comfortable to being alone and isolated.
But waiting, I am, for the one who shatters this isolating prison.

Death's once horrid stench has become a fragrent scent to me.
I await the day his gleaming blood-stained scythe and gaping, lifeless face visits me.
With reluctant resistance I fight the reapers taunt now, living to find acceptence, searching to quench my quest and lay rest to these haunting thoughts and fleeting memories...

The visible invisibilty I have become..

The Shadow wanders on..

Searching...

[]__^{MemorY Capsule}__[]
Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Today a very very embaressing thing happened to me... So you know I often refer to cars as of being e female gender, esp sport cars.

So whilst takin 67 with the class joker back from Pierce Ammo Dump (PAD), I saw a Bright YELLOW Evo amidst traffic and naturally its hard not to notice something yellow in our sea of boring silver/champainge coloured cars..
So I said something like "Check out that hot babe in yellow on the road.."
By the way, we were sorta argueing about my sexuality, whether I'm gay or not... Then the smart-ass said "Where? I must see 'cause I don't think you can tell a guy from a girl properly."
I turned back for a second look and replied "There's only one damn Yellow thing on wheels here, and thats the hot babe Im talking about."
WHo the hell would have known that as I said that and turned back to e other side of the bus, an UNCLE in YELLOW appeared out of nowhere on a bicycle... I didn't know what to say and it was a good joke, so yeah.. LoL

kkz.. Got posted back to Bukit TImah Nature Reserve.. This time is camp one.. One of the largest ammo dumps in Singapore. I have to actually walk in some 1.5km daily just to get to my storehouse then another 1.5km to get out... it could be more.. Still dunno what Im actually supposed to do yet.. but averagely is 1.5km.. so sian.. smmore alot of stress.. Hope to God I can handle this...

brakes applied at |9:41 pm|

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