\\SiLenCenD-ShaDoW//

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The silenced shadow.....

I search for years, but i never find what I seek..
I wonder about the thoughts I have and the dreams I create...

The end result, I am, from the clash of darkness and light,
not defined by purpose nor bound by natural inclinations..

Fighting now for an identity, people scourn and jeer at my hapeless wandering...
Tempted to succumb to the bait of acceptence,
Lured by the sweet scent of easy rest I shall march on to that seemingly impossile goal I have.

Friends I have, but real are they, I'll never be able to tell.

Tales of endless friendship and alliegance of loyalties are always promised, but kept?

I do not want to know.

In times of fun, Games and glory they are there, when I'm needed they are there too..
But if I ever need them, will they still be there??

I don't know.

Visible I am only when required for tasks which dirties the hand or garners no worthy bounty.
Invisible I am at all other times of games and gatherings.

Needed, used and diacarded, that is what I have become for being too nice to insensitive
and stuck up fools.

On days where I'm not needed I always can sense a certain amount of disapproval from my surroundings.

My own mortal mother disdains at my doings.
MY own life I cannot control, My decisions often overwritten by her just by meer fact she's lived longer.

People say they know me well, but when the test comes all fall short and say I am too compicated and unsure of my being.

Mystery shrouds my life from strangers and curious by-standers

A stone walled sheild I seem to have, round a fortress that consumes the true me, never trusting never communicating.

The key that unlocks I keep near me.. No longer dangling to allow anyone in.

The phanthom that engulfed me is now one and true with me. Yet my fears remain and they stab at me with unchecked fury. I have accepted its fate and seem strangely comfortable to being alone and isolated.
But waiting, I am, for the one who shatters this isolating prison.

Death's once horrid stench has become a fragrent scent to me.
I await the day his gleaming blood-stained scythe and gaping, lifeless face visits me.
With reluctant resistance I fight the reapers taunt now, living to find acceptence, searching to quench my quest and lay rest to these haunting thoughts and fleeting memories...

The visible invisibilty I have become..

The Shadow wanders on..

Searching...

[]__^{MemorY Capsule}__[]
Monday, February 13, 2006

Wonder why the HEll is up these days.. Parents alow my bro to play games on the net.. smthing they always scold my for.. then when i bath, they must always use water... then when they bath, they ALWAYS screw me up for using water... wads the deal? DUn like me?? GUess wad?? I Dun like ya too..

SIngaporeans an odd lot... They Brag abt being courteous, well learned and stuff... but u look around and wonder... Are they realli?? look the bus interchange, all the damn idiots standing around those silver railings.. u noe.. those things we call Qs? for ppl to Q up and wait for the buses... Instead idiots juz hang around and rush for the door the moment the driver walks near the bus.. Makes me sick.. and wish i wasnt singaporean..

Becoming Harder and Harder to stay happy these.. my optimism is going to the dogs.. and my will to live is almost extinguished... If a serious and life-threathening accident happens to me during army.. i'd probably juz die... And yeah.. Vanish to the oblivion and juz disappear.. The place i grew up in is no longer feeling like hm.. "Friends" i made are but mere aquitantances save a cpl i guess.... but its fine by me.. i grew up 18yrs without true friends.. the remainder won make much of a diff.. =)

brakes applied at |9:18 pm|

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